The other day, I listened* to a Fresh Air interview with Derek Thompson, a journalist for The Atlantic, about the loneliness epidemic, except “loneliness” isn’t the right word, Thompson said. Loneliness is defined as the instinct to be around people, but what’s happening now is that people are losing that instinct — that drive — to be with other people. More and more, people are choosing to be alone, preferring an evening at home to going out with friends.
There are a whole lot of reasons for this, and Thompson dug into all of it, but the part that stood out to me had to do with dopamine.
Here, lemme sum up:
- We get hits of dopamine when we scroll Instagram and watch funny cat videos.
- We also get hits of dopamine when we interact — even briefly — with people in real life.
- Dopamine hits are exhausting, and they leave us depleted.
- We have a limited reserve of dopamine.
- When we make the majority of our “dopamine donations” to screens, we literally do not have the reserves required for human interaction.
- We need human interactions in order to be healthy.
- The drive to interact is a key component to healthy, vibrant relationships.
- If that drive is lacking, then there’s a good chance we’re donating our dopamine to our screens.
- Take a dopamine donation audit and adjust accordingly. We need to need each other.

My husband and I are currently facilitating a Sunday School class at our church for young(ish) parents. The topic this past Sunday was play — how we play, the five components of play, how our kids play, etc.
One of the dads said that he classifies fun into two categories. Easy stuff, like watching a movie or eating a brownie, is Type I Fun, while going on a 10-mile hike or writing an essay is Type II Fun. You have to work for Type II Fun, and while it often doesn’t feel like bubbles and sunshine in the moment, in the end, it’s rewarding in a way that a movie or brownie can never be.
So often, I flit along, skimming the surface, reaching for the Type I Fun, but it isn’t until I dig deeper and spend a couple hours on a writing project, testing a new recipe, going for a run, or reading a book that I actually feel satisfied. The two types of fun are, I think, another way to think about dopamine. With Type I Fun, we use up, or fritter away, our dopamine donations, hardly without even noticing. With Type II Fun, we make the donations.

This week, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about dopamine, the political shitshow, my social media usage, and my relationships. Mostly, I’m trying to be aware of what’s giving me an emotional rush — is it Type I or Type II Fun? is it a Facebook video or a conversation with a friend? — and I’ve been making an effort to get more of my dopamine hits via Type II Fun and real-life connections.
Some of my efforts are super small, like simply taking out my earbuds at work so I can be available to chat with a coworker, sending a check-in text to a friend, or picking up a pizza for the dentist office staff. And some are slightly more involved, like going out for cocktails with my husband (when I snapped these two photos), inviting friends over for pizza, signing up to take supper to some new parents, or driving across the county to drink tea with a girlfriend.
And you know what? I’ve noticed that the more time I invest in Type II fun and in-person connections, the less time I spend doping on screens.
Interesting, that.
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*Full disclosure: I listened to the podcast while at work. With headphones.
This same time, years previous: six fun things, the spiced onyx, a new project, lemon coolers, in progress, good morning, lovies, crispy baked hash browns, cheesy bacon toasts, eight, seven, gourmet chocolate bark.