both ends

The play has thrown a little wrench in my “wake up early to write all morning and then run before lunch” routine. Even though rehearsing three or four evenings a week doesn’t sound — or even feel — very taxing, it does wear on me. It’s such a drag, leaving the house immediately upon waking and then returning from rehearsal and jumping straight into bed. Makes me feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.

To make matters worse, the play sometimes infiltrates my dreams, and I spend the night dreaming about packing, hiding, and being chased. They’re not nightmares, exactly, but they are exhausting.

Since I have no evenings in which to unwind, I often let myself rest in the afternoon. Sometimes I read a novel. Other times I sleep. A couple times I’ve even allowed myself to watch an episode or two of Catastrophe or Schitt’s Creek or Workin’ Moms (though even with all my mad justification skills, I still felt guilty).

A couple weeks ago I decided something had to give, so I shifted things around, allowing myself to sleep a little later, then running, then writing. I don’t get home from writing until early afternoon now, which makes me feel like I don’t have as much time (because I don’t), but at least the schedule is a little less grueling.

I recently read Michelle’s book (and then entertained the rest of the family by reading great swaths of it outloud to them at the supper table), and it made me feel like such a wimp. That woman does so much! For example, in the course of single day, Michelle might fly to a speaking engagement for thousands and then back again, work out, cut a ribbon at a local nonprofit, change clothes multiple times, host a tea for a couple hundred high-profile people, and dig in the dirt with a bunch of school kids. I, on the other hand, drink coffee and write, make my kids scrub the toilets, go for leisurely, country-quiet runs, and crash into bed at ten o’clock, exhausted. Reading about her go-go-go life, it made me feel like I could — or maybe should — do more.

Not that I want to, really. But it would be nice to add in an activity or two (like a play) and not feel so zonked, you know?

Get your tickets here!

This same time, years previous: it takes a village, the quotidian (4.17.17), the quotidian (4.18.16), cheesy popcorn, take two: Omri, nutmeg coffee cake, and then he shot me through the heart, ground pork and white bean chili.