proper procedure for toweling off after a shower

The other night my husband walked into the bathroom and bellowed, WHO JUST GOT A SHOWER? BECAUSE THERE IS WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR.

The rest of us didn’t hardly even bother to register the temper-tantruming adult in the other room—-we’ve long ago learned to take his fits in stride—-until he stormed into the kitchen, an empty washbasket in one hand and a towel in the other, smacked the basket down on the floor, stepped into it, and then turned to face us.

When he saw he had our attention, he announced, “There is no reason there should be water on the bathroom floor. EVER.”

And then he proceeded to demonstrate how to properly towel dry your body.

First, reach for your bath towel which you have conveniently placed on the floor by the tub and, while still standing in the tub, towel off your head.

Then do a thorough drying of your legs and then first one foot—-and step out—-and then the other foot.

Now you are standing on the bathroom mat with dry feet. Amazing, no?

See? No water on the floor! No wet socks! No angry Papa!

Calmly and happily go about the business of toweling off the rest of your body.

Drying off, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, drying off.

Have I made myself clear? There will be no more water on the floor, right?

Sure, Dad. Whatever.

And that, my friends, is the proper procedure for toweling off after a shower, according to my husband.

The end.

This same time, years previous: in my kitchen, the quotidian (9.7.15), how to clean a room, fruit-on-the-bottom baked oatmeal, fairy rings.


  • Anonymous

    Reminds me of when I demonstrated how to close the screen door without slamming it and how to replace the toilet paper roll to my children many years ago

  • farm buddy

    Obviously you don't live in very cold Upstate NY. I dry my entire body while in the shower except for my feet, as I am delaying entry into the cold bathroom after being in the oh-so-nice-hot shower.

  • Susan

    Ha, ha, ha! I love his PSA! I had an adult temper tantrum recently and gave a tutorial to the entire family about about the difference between a kitchen dish rag and a bathroom hand towel. Yeesh — they kept using a bath hand towel to dry dishes. Yuck!! (p.s. it didn't really make a difference — how can they not see the difference?!?)

  • Melissa @ thelittlegrayhouse

    We have a houseguest right now and if I have to walk into the puddle in the bathroom after he showers one more time I might lose my cool. I think I'll show him your husband's handy tutorial, thanks!

  • Karen

    I don't know Jennifer.. The mans got a point. According to a New York Times article, "Injuries in or near the bathtub or shower account for more than two-thirds of emergency room visits." (Not that you know anything about visiting the emergency room.)

  • Margo

    Man, living with people is so hard!!! They leave hairs around, empty condiments, lights on, books upside down. . . I can think of about 10 more of these public-service announcements your husband can do :/

  • kay saylor

    I literally just had this conversation with my daughter yesterday. I am with your husband on this one. No reason for me to walk into the bathroom and into a puddle. If you don't wish to dry off still standing in the tub (the preferred method) then at least sop up your mess before exiting. I will definitely be showing this to her so she knows her mother isn't the only crazy parent 😉

  • katie

    HAHAHAHA!!! My cousin lived with us for the past 12 months and he desperately needed this tutorial! His shower exiting habits were one of the hardest parts for me about living with him so this post rings near and dear to me. I need to adopt the more direct approach of dealing with the problem than just stewing and dealing with it for the whole time (he just moved out this week).

  • Mavis

    I can totally hear his voice as he's saying it too!!!! Oh my word. For people who have never actually met your husband, this should be in the top 10 ways to describe his personality. I LOVE it.

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