Another sketchy character

Here’s the other character sketch. Even though this sketch is part fabrication, those of you who know me will have no trouble figuring out who this is. I’ll just say this: I love this woman … to pieces.


Chin Hairs and Chicken Noodle Soup

Mrs. Sarah Stoltzfus worries. She worries that the stove is leaking gas and spends long minutes adjusting the gas knobs and sniffing above each burner. She worries about botulism. Once when the venison roast was left in the crock pot all morning without being turned on, and even after she cooked it properly, she feared that it would kill them all and threw it out. They ate cold, left-over vegetable soup on top of the rice instead. She worries that the appliances aren’t properly plugged into the electrical outlets and that the plastic casings around the wires are wearing thin, so she unplugs certain lights each night before going to bed. She worries that she won’t notice the hairs that might begin to sprout out of her chin before important people have already seen them. She worries about the old chair by the kitchen stove that is painted with paint that probably contains lead, so she refuses to allow any cooking utensils to be set on it. She worries that her signature looks sloppy; maybe the cross for the ‘t’ has partly slashed through the ‘l.’ She worries that she’s getting old because flab hangs from her arms and she forgot to put the chicken in the chicken noodle soup. And she worries that she’s a heretic for wondering if God really did tell Abraham to sacrifice Isaac or if it was just a figment of Abraham’s imagination.

About one year ago: Cake Extravaganza


  • Anonymous

    These anonymous letters are terrible. MJJ, you should never ever publish ugly comments by people who won't own up to their nasty identities. What is the purpose of grilling chicken, anyway? It's for grilling the salmonella (besides any foot/paw germs).

    I sincerely apologize about the flies IF nobody was instructed to soapily washed out the rag.

  • Anonymous

    I remember her teaching her children to swat flies and than wipe them up with the dish rag (sometimes on the floor).

  • Anonymous

    And one time we were at her house for dinner and she prepared grilled chicken, laying the grilling utensils on the sidewalk, right where the cats and people walked moments before.

    got to love whatever logic was behind that!

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