• Moving forward

    Last night I cried because my boy is growing up. There are signs, you know. Things that he wouldn’t appreciate me talking about, so I won’t. But last night the signs caught me unawares. I was shocked. I was thrilled. I laughed and teased and chortled, and then he went to bed and I cried.

    I was surprised at myself. I stood on the hearth, wiping my eyes, lips wobbling, telling Mr. Handsome my observations and trying to explain why I was crying. “You can laugh at me, if you want,” I sniffled. “I know this is perfectly ridiculous.”

    He didn’t laugh, but he did smile. And then he was quiet, too. Thinking, I guess.

    I’m not sure why this new phase of life, this of my first child entering puberty, has turned me into such an emotional basket case. I cried twice yesterday and a couple times today. (And no, I’m not hormonal either. At least not any more than normal.)

    I look forward to my kids growing up. Potty-trained, yes! Weaned, yes! Talking, yes! Riding a bike, yes! Reading, yes! Going to camp, yes! I am not inclined to feelings of melancholy. I’m not particularly good at living in the present (I get ants in my pants), but I’m not one to dwell on the past. I live hard and I move forward. I’m always ready to move forward.

    Except for now. Now I’m hesitating, unsure. Yes, yes, of course I want my boy to grow into a man. Of course I want my boy to leave home and strike out on his own. Of course, of course, of course.

    Then why this profound sadness? I wasn’t prepared to feel this way.

    It feels like I’m standing on top of a mountain and it’s downhill wherever I look. Life has been so full to bursting with diapers and dirty dishes, time-outs and arguments, read alouds and snacks, projects and plans—and suddenly, shatteringly, I see that this won’t last forever.


    I’m losing my grip on my boy. He’s becoming a man. He’s going to leave me. And I will, slowly but surely, get old and die.

    Good grief. All this because my son is hitting puberty.

    Once I wrap my head around having a manchild in the house, I’ll probably feel better. The truth is, I’m thrilled.

    The truth also is, I’m sad.

    This same time, years previous: peanut noodles, on not wanting

  • Epic roast

    Cooking meat is tricky. At least it is for me, anyway. I never can remember which cut of meat is best for which cooking method, and getting the final product to be tender and succulent seems a hit-or-miss endeavor. To raise my anxiety levels even higher, meat is pricey. It’s not something I want to screw up.


    Previously, my approach to cooking large chunks of beef has been to throw together the ingredients and then avert my gaze and hope it turns out okay. It’s kind of like a fellow blogger who allows her kids to sled on ice, a brick wall at the bottom of the hill. When a neighbor asked her if she wasn’t worried about them crashing, she answered, “Oh, definitely… So I make sure not to watch.”

    That’s my approach to cooking meat. (And raising kids, too, but that’s not getting discussed right now, despite the fact that I was the one to bring up the analogy.)

    I have hustled up some pretty fine beef dinners (this one and this one, for example), but all in all, hunks of beast (as my cousin says) still feel like unchartered territory—wild, unknown, scary, intimidating, unnerving, etc. I’m getting better, though, and last night’s chuck roast helped to boost my confidence exponentially. Today I feel a pressing need to record my method for two reasons: first, so I don’t forget how I did it, and second, so I can better sear the process into my brain—the more I think and talk about the process, the more likely it is to become a part of my cooking repertoire. (I think Point Two is not much different than Point One. I just wanted to drive home The Point, I guess.)

    I won’t lie to you—this method is time-consuming and involved. But the end result is swoony, melt-in-your-mouth tender, and so richly flavorful that it’s well worth any amount of sweat and tears. (Of which I did/had neither, but you know what I mean.) Plus, one roast makes a lot of meals, so just consider it batch cooking.


    It helps me to break the cooking process down into different components. There’s the trimming and browning, there’s the braising liquid to build (saying I’m “building a sauce” makes me feel soooo cheffy), there’s the braising itself, and then there’s the final sauce. Four parts, more or less. That’s not so unmanageable, is it?

    The first steps of a good roast will mess up your kitchen and make you stink to high heaven. Grease, garlic and onions, and browning beef will permeate your very pores. (Save your morning shower for after you brown the beef.) But once the roast is set to braise, the heavy odors dissipate and a rich, sexy perfume envelopes your entire home. And you. You become rich, sexy, and heady. Oh, mama mia. It doesn’t get much more carnal than braised beef.


    Chuck Roast Braised in Red Wine
    Method and ingredients compiled from Epicurious, Cook’s Illustrated, and my head

    The proportions are for a large chuck roast, but even if I were to make a small one, I think I would still follow this recipe—there’d just be extra sauce, and in this case, extra sauce is a very good thing indeed.

    1 6-pound boneless chuck roast
    2 teaspoons salt, plus more
    1 teaspoon black pepper, plus more
    canola oil
    6-8 slices bacon
    3 onions, divided (2 chopped and 1 cut into slices)
    2 carrots, chopped
    2 stalks of celery, chopped
    6-9 cloves garlic, minced
    1 ½ teaspoons dried thyme
    4 2-inch sprigs fresh rosemary (or 1 ½ teaspoons dried)
    1/3 cup tomato paste
    1 bottle red wine (I used a basic [read, cheap] Sauvignon)
    2-3 cups water
    1 quart chicken broth, divided
    4 tablespoons butter
    4 tablespoons flour
    green onions, minced, optional
    mushroom, sauteed, optional

    Tip: have all your ingredients on hand and veggies chopped ahead of time. It helps things to flow.

    Step One: Browning the Beef
    First thing in the morning, set the thawed roast on a kitchen towel and pat dry. Take a sharp knife and trim off all the fat and shiny white membranes that cling to the sides. You’ll probably waste some meat here, but don’t worry—it’s better to waste a little in this step then to serve it and have people turn up their noses because it’s sinewy and tough.

    Stir together the salt and pepper and rub it over the whole roast.

    Heat two tablespoons of flavorless oil in a large pot that has high sides (for splatter reduction). Using tongs, set the meat in the pot and let it sizzle, undisturbed. Brown it on all sides, about three minutes for each side, allowing it to get a good crispy crust all over. Transfer the meat to a clean pan and tent it with foil.

    Step Two: The Bacon
    Slice the bacon in half lengthwise and then crosswise in little cubes. Toss it into the hot pan and stir it around till it’s crispy brown. Scoop out the bacon bits and set aside. You won’t need them again till it’s time to serve the dish.

    Step Three: Build the Braising Sauce
    Toss the two chopped onions, carrots, and celery into the hot bacon fat and saute for 10-12 minutes, or until slightly browned around the edges and soft. Add the minced garlic and herbs and cook for another minute or two. Stir in the tomato paste. Add the bottle of red wine and boil for about 5 minutes to reduce it a bit. Add the 2-3 cups of water and 2 cups of chicken broth and bring the sauce back up to a boil. This is your braising liquid.

    Step Four: The Braise
    Put the roast into a large oven-safe pot, one with a lid. (I used my crock pot since my Dutch oven was too small.) Scrape all the juices that have oozed out of the meat into the pot. Pour the braising liquid over top. The meat should be mostly, if not all the way, submerged. Clap the lid on top and bake the roast at 325 degrees for 2-4 hours, the longer the better.

    Step Five: Build the Finishing Sauce
    Remove the roast from the sauce, set it on a plate and tent it with foil. Pour the braising liquid through a fine mesh sieve, pressing on the solids with the back of a spoon to get out all the yummy juices. Discard the solids. Put the meat and strained liquid in a clean pot and set over low heat. Or just lid it and allow it to rest till closer to supper. Or put it in the oven to keep it warm. The important thing here is that the meat is resting in the juices so it’s getting even more moist and tender, if that’s possible. In a smaller saucepan—

    Hold it! Hold it! you cry. This is TOO much work, TOO much time, too much EVERYTHING!

    Well, listen. At this point it’s about 2 or 3 o’clock in the afternoon, and you haven’t done any work in the kitchen for the last four hours. But, if you are sick of the whole deal, now’s the time to stick the meat and sauce into the fridge and let it rest for a day or two. It will only improve with age, and if you really need the break, then take it. On the other hand, the house smells like heaven and you’ve lost half your body weight in drool, so you might want to muster your forces and forge ahead. Bliss is just around the corner…

    Now. Where was I? Ah, yes, the small saucepan. In the small saucepan, melt the butter and then whisk in the flour. Whisk in remaining 2 cups of chicken broth and bring it to a merry boil. Season well with salt and pepper. Add it to the meat.

    And there you have it. That’s the finished roast with an incredible sauce.

    But of course, there are the finishing touches…

    Step Six: To Serve, and the Finishing Touches
    *Caramelized onion: melt a pat of butter and a little canola oil in a skillet and add the last onion. Caramelize it. (Do this in the morning while you’re browning the beef.)
    *Mushrooms: saute in butter. (Can be done ahead of time. My mushrooms were frozen and then thawed.)
    *Green onion: mince.
    *The bacon: don’t forget it!

    Place the roast on a cutting board and cut across the grain to make 1/4 to ½-inch thick slices. Place the slices in a serving bowl, ladle some sauce over top and sprinkle with bacon, minced green onions, caramelized onions, and sauteed mushrooms.

    Step Seven: Swoon

    Leftover roast with accompanying sauce can be frozen for a future feast.

    So what do you think: is this method obsessive and anal? Do you know of a better way to cook a roast? What are your tried and true techniques?

  • Snapshots and captions

    You guys crack me up. I laughed so hard I got a headache.

    It was so strange to get your captions, read what you wrote and realize I had no idea what you were talking about because my perception of the photos I posted was so completely different from your interpretations.

    Thanks for humoring me and giving me a day off from writing. I like being lazy.

    Picture Number One:

    I just knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone! –Mama Pea

    Truth: That’s exactly what happened.

    Picture Number Two:

    I keep telling the kids… “Would ya stop plucking the darn chickens feathers and writing with their poo… it’s not normal” but they never listen… -Mavis

    Truth: Miss Beccaboo got a feather somewhere, took apart a pen, and then put the
    ink cartridge in the feather. It fits. She can even cap it.

    Picture Number Three:

    Homemade mayonnaise. I’m a convert.


    Picture Number Four:

    Holy Crap I’m getting old… I have to squint and look thru 2 lenses just to see anything… -Mavis

    Truth: the above, yes … plus, I just wanted to show you my dorky new look.


    Picture Number Five:

    You ate so many French baguettes last week that you can’t stand the thought of shoving one more tiny morsel of carbalicious goodness into your mouth. Instead, you stand there and make sculptures with it. –Zoe

    Zoe, NEVER!

    Truth: bread bowls for broccoli soup. I thought it’d be a nice treat for the kids. You know, a novelty, permission to play with their food, etc. But they didn’t like them. Not a single kid liked them. By the end of the meal I was snip-snappy. For dessert there was a stunning lecture on appreciation and mealtime etiquette.


    Picture Number Six:

    Sadly the well has run dry… Mr. Handsome can no longer bear children… -Mavis

    Truth: I just wanted to take a picture of a water drip. I think I took about 30. I never got a good picture of the drop dripping, though.

    But Mavis, about bearing children: yesterday some strange man stopped by to ask whether or not we’ve seen his missing dog. I hadn’t, but I invited him inside while I hollered at the kids to find out if they’d noticed any strange dogs running around. The man stepped inside and the kids swarmed—Yo-Yo was over by the stove shooting Mr. Handsome’s sneakers off the back of the sofa with a giant rubber band. Nickel and Miss Beccaboo came streaming the stairs. And Sweetsie ducked out of the little fort under the stairs.

    The man’s eyes got big and he said, “Wow, you’ve got a whole pack!”

    “Yeah,” I laughed.

    And then, chuckling, “I hope you and your husband have gotten it figured out by now?”

    Huh? Did he really just SAY that? I smiled benignly while discreetly scrutinizing him, but he was talking about something else, his comment already forgotten.

    I giggle every time I think of that conversation. So rude and funny, all at the same time. I liked him.

    Picture Number Seven:

    The little kids decided to clean my bedroom by themselves. Part of the cleaning process involved moving some of the potted plants that were on my dresser back to Nickel and Sweetsie’s room where they belong. (I had moved them to my room one night a week or two ago when Nickel had a nightmare and refused to stay in his bed unless I took all the plants out of his room.) Sweetsie was the one carrying the pot of trailing whatever-you-call-it out of my room, and as she walked through the door, one of the tendrils caught on the doorknob, unbeknownst to her. Sweetsie kept walking; the door kept the plant. What you see on the window sill are my efforts to salvage some of the greenery.

    Picture Number Eight:

    Living with these people is not easy… sometimes I have to take a little swig just to make it to lunch… -Mavis

    Truth: the fixings for French Onion Soup.

    Picture Number Nine:

    You thought maybe you’d stash the chips on the floor to fatten up the mice so they don’t scurry so fast through the walls at night. –Zoe

    Six minus one. (The first bag didn’t make it past Mr. H’s lunchtime at the Frankferd Farms buying group pickup spot. Didn’t he ‘fess up?) -Kris

    Truth: we do have a mouse.

    Truth: It better not touch my chips.

    Truth: there were six bags originally, and yes, Kris, Mr. Handsome tore into one of them on his way home from work. They were on special and they are incredibly delicious. Now they’ve been elevated from floor to top pantry shelf. I’m hoarding them.

    Picture Number Ten:

    I know this isn’t the way Mommy makes grilled cheese but it’s the way I do it. –Mama Pea

    Truth: Mr. Handsome is tearing into a piece of hot fried chicken. The kids had swarmed him when he first started sampling, so he banished them from the kitchen and then called them one by one to the table to take a taste.

    This same time, years previous: Julia’s chocolate almond cake, plus chocolate butter frosting, five-minute bread