Nekkid

I’m not going to be able to not talk about food for the couple of weeks while I wait for my new computer to get here. I just can’t. This means that any new recipes I post will be pictureless. (My computer is so full that it’s groaning. It spazzes out if I try to upload even one itty-bitty picture.)

This grieves me. I love to look at pictures of food. I love to take pictures of food. I love to write around pictures of food. But it’s just not happening.

Perhaps I’ll update these posts later with pictures, but perhaps not. It depends on many things, such as the amount of time I have on my hands and whether or not I remember. I’m just a reed, blowin’ in the wind….

(Now, on May 17, new and improved, with pictures!)

Two Sundays ago I was polishing off a bag of Stacy’s Simply Naked Pita chips while sitting on the sofa in the downstairs bedroom. Shortly thereafter a gigantic kettle of boiling chicken broth exploded across the kitchen. Because I was staring at the bag when the eruption occurred, the image of that empty bag of pita chips is now seared into my brain for eternity.

Those pita chips became an obsession. I wanted to make them. I had to make them. I googled and read and googled some more. Everything I read said they were a cinch to prepare. So I bought a bag of pita bread, coated the pitas with melted butter, sprinkled them with lots of salt, hacked them up, and popped them in the oven.

That evening when Mr. Handsome mentioned he was kind of hankering for a snack, I scurried to change into my birthday suit, wrap myself up in plastic wrap, and fetch him the jar of chips.

Okay, so only the last part was true. But really, that scene from Fried Green Tomatoes where the plump wife outfits herself in nothing but plastic wrap in hopes that her husband will notice her is one of my favorite parts. That and the part where she repeatedly rams her car into the back of another car that dared to take her parking space.

So I gave Mr. Handsome the chips, listened to him crunch for a minute and then said, “So waddaya think? Are they as good as the bought chips?”

“No,” he said. I wrinkled my nose and turned back towards the sink. Darn, I’d have to do some more experimenting.

“They’re better.”

Yes! I did it! I can make pita chips better than Stacy! I’m a naked pita chip superhero!

And now, by following the simple instructions outlined below, you can be a superhero, too!

If, for whatever reason, the chips don’t turn out exactly right, remember—there’s always plastic wrap.

Naked Pita Chips

I used Toufayan pitas, but I think any pita would work. Do not, however, substitute the pitas with flatbread; flatbreads do not have the air pocket and are therefore not as light and crispy.

1 12-ounce bag of pita bread (about six pitas)
4 tablespoons butter, melted
salt

Brush both sides of each pita with the melted butter. Cut the pitas into wedges or squares. Pile them on a cookie sheet and sprinkle generously with salt. If there is any remaining butter, drizzle it over the pile of cut pitas. Use all of the butter.

Bake the pita chips at 200 degrees for 2-3 hours, tossing every hour, until dry through and through. And then toast them a little more. They have to be dry, dry, dry.

Add more salt as needed.

Cool the chips to room temperature before storing in an airtight container.

Serve these with hot artichoke dip, pesto torte, and/or baked brie. Or abandon the adornments and eat them buck naked.

The chips, I mean, not you.

About one year ago: Mr. Handsome’s sandwich