No, no, no. Not the blog. Nothing to worry about there.

It’s garlic I’m talking about.

Last fall, right around my birthday, I planted garlic for the very first time. Every year, from now until I die, I will plant garlic right around my birthday. It’s very easy to do, so I know I’ll be able to do it when I’m taking tottery little steps and my teeth are falling out.

Anyway, my point is that a couple weeks ago I pulled the garlic up out of the dirt, cured the heads, and then this past weekend I cleaned them all up, tied them together with string, and had Mr. Handsome hang them in the doorway. What do you think? Rustic, huh?

I’m afraid they are going to start rotting there. They are in the light, though not direct sunlight, and my Girlfriend Kris told me that heads of garlic are to be stored in a dark, dry place, in mesh bags. (You know, the kind of mesh bag that you stick your lace bras in before putting them in the washing machine—makes garlic seem downright sexy, no?) My Girlfriend Amber saves the mesh bags that onions come in and stores her garlic in them—just hangs them up in the basement. But come on, Girlfriends, then you can’t see them! They are too dang sexy to stick off in the dark somewhere!

So I’m rebelling. At least till they start to stink.

Now, some of the heads were a little wormy when I pulled them out of the ground, so I tore them apart and saved the cloves that were still good. Then I talked to my Girlfriend Erika’s husband who, I just recently learned, used to be a sous-chef, and he told me that the best way to preserve garlic was to chop it all up, pack it into a glass jar, pour olive oil over top, and stick it in the fridge. So I did. I felt very chef-like, smashing the cloves and chop-chop-chopping. I think I’ll stick garlic in everything now.

Red Beet Salad With Caramelized Onions and Feta
Adapted from Epicurious

Clear your schedule, folks. It’s time to make salad. NOW!

First off, walk over to the fridge and on your grocery list that you have stuck to it’s side with a magnet (you do have a grocery list there, right? Good. Everyone does) write down feta cheese, 3 ounces, and pine nuts. While you’re there, open the fridge door and look inside to make sure you have Dijon mustard. If not, shame on you—buy some. If you happen to already have the feta and nuts and Dijon mustard, then you are Oh So Lucky and you can begin fixing the salad right now.

Run out to the garden and pick yourself two or three medium red beets and two enormous onions (or, if you’re like me and you already ripped yours out by their hair, then go to the barn where they are curing on newspapers and grab a couple dandies).

Gulp a glass of cold water, sloshing some down the front of your shirt. Continue.

Cook the beets—boiling, roasting, whatever, just get them cooked. Then peel and cube them. (If, by chance, you are using canned beets—do not allow yourself to feel like a loser; everything will be just fine—pick two 15 oz cans from the pantry shelf and drain and quarter the beets—you’ll need 4 cups of prepared beets.)

Wipe the sweat from your brow (don’t forget to first wash your hands, or you’ll have bloody beet smears all over your forehead).

Take a couple handfuls of pine nuts and stir them around in a hot skillet until they are toasty-brown. Chop them and set them aside (you’ll need 1/4 cup).

Pick up the dandy onions, peel them, cut them into thin slices and then quarter the stack of slices. Put some olive oil in the skillet that’s still hot from toasting the nuts, toss in the onions, sprinkle with salt, and stir them around on medium high heat until they start to blacken. Turn the heat to low and continue cooking till charred and crispy. About 30-45 minutes total. You have just made caramelized onions! You are a culinary whiz.

Do not be side-tracked by your whizzed-ry or daunted by the stack of dirty dishes in the sink. Keep going!

Now for the dressing. In a small bowl, mix together 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar, 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon black pepper. While whisking continuously, add 5 tablespoons of olive oil in a steady stream.

Don’t stop now! You’re nearly done! It’s almost party-time!

Toss the chopped beets with the dressing. Sprinkle on the caramelized onions, the feta, and the pine nuts, and…YOU DID IT!

Eat the whole entire salad all by yourself, right out of the mixing bowl, grinning like a fool, making loud yum-yum noises, and sighing loudly.

Feed the rest of the family cereal.

I bought some (not very) discounted bananas in honor of Miss Becca Boo’s birthday and had a bunch (ha-ha) left over, so I decided to make some banana bread.

While I grew up with a very good banana cake recipe in the house, when I want to make a banana bread I turn to Orangette. She is crazy for banana bread. I have tried a couple of her recipes, but the one that is my favorite, the one that I made yesterday, is what I’m going to share with you.

It’s a basic banana bread with just a touch of fancy. The rum, coconut, and demerara sugar add to, not detract from, the overall banana-ness of the bread. I tried tossing some dark Ghirardelli chips into one of the loaves, but decided that it wasn’t my thing—the chocolate overpowered the smooth banana-ness. (The banana-ness is really important to me, if you can’t tell). But, you never know, it might be your thing (along with toasted pecans maybe?), so go ahead and give it a shot.

The recipe calls for dark rum, but I just used the light stuff that I had on hand. Demerara sugar is just a cane sugar—it has bigger crystals, is light tan in color, and adds a delicious crunch to the bread’s top crust.

This recipe makes one loaf of bread, but I like to make several little loaves, wrap them in plastic and store them in the freezer. Then they are ready to go for whenever I need them: to serve to surprise company, to give one away as a gift for someone who does me a favor (quit jumping up and down and waving your arms in the air—you have to do something for me to get a loaf, silly—like…babysit all of my kids), to treat my hungry children, etc.

Banana Coconut Bread
Adapted from Orangette‘s blog

Updated on April 17, 2018: Increase the salt to 1 teaspoon (I made the change in the recipe).

3 large bananas (to make 1 ½ cups puree)
1 stick butter
1 cup white sugar
1/8 teaspoon white vinegar
1 ½ tablespoons rum
2 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon nutmeg, freshly grated
1 teaspoon salt
½ cup coconut
1-2 tablespoons demerara sugar

Cream the butter and sugar. Beat in the vinegar and rum. Add the banana puree, and then the flour, baking soda, nutmeg and salt. Gently stir in the coconut. Pour the batter into one large, well-greased loaf pan, generously sprinkle the top with the demerara sugar, and bake at 350 degrees for 45-65 minutes.