• Totally worth it

    This is the third year that Mr. Handsome and I have participated in the Fresh Air Fund. The first year was a loooong time ago, back when we were first married (14 years this month). We hosted two girls. I don’t remember much from that visit except that they were sweet and that they freaked out over the potato bugs.

    Then last year we went through the interview process again and ended up with a seven-year-old boy. We lucked out—he’s sweet and well-mannered. We invited him back, and to our delight, he accepted.


    Lest you be deceived, hosting a complete stranger from the inner city—practically another country—is not all rosy-posy sugar-n-pie. There’s homesickness, bickering, an extra mouth to feed, and sibling jealousy.

    The first several days with our little boy are the toughest. That’s when media-detox takes place, as well as the strongest pangs of homesickness. Little Fresh Air Boy doesn’t talk for the first 24 hours. Last year I thought it was because he was scared senseless, but he did the same thing again this year.

    I’ve determined it’s because he’s scared senseless.

    But then he thaws and his personality (and love of hot sauce) gets a chance to shine through. He develops coping methods that involve book-reading and matchbox car-playing, swinging, and befriending the dog.


    We don’t do much special stuff when he’s here. (We don’t do much special stuff when he’s not. I figure I’m special enough and that the rest of my family ought to be just tickled pink to get to hang out with me every single day.) We make a trip to West Virginia—the real country—where my parents put on a show complete with a treasure hunt, watermelon picking, a hike through the woods to play in the creek, music-making, a javelin-throwing contest, and extensive read-aloud time.


    Back home, I make it a point to go swimming at both the pool and the creek, though I place a much greater emphasis on the creek, partly because of the excellent exploring opportunities and partly because I can take my computer and write the whole time.


    Our Fresh Air Boy had never been to a creek before he came to see us, and despite the weird stinky smells, he loves it.


    Fresh Air Boy is passionate about my granola, applesauce, and spaghetti. He has learned to appreciate nectarines. We went to a wedding—his first—where he tried everything on the buffet, including both kinds of Pakistani kima and both kinds of salad dressing. We were duly impressed and told him so.


    This year we attended the Fresh Air Fund picnic. There were people there who have been hosting Fresh Air kids for years and years and years. The chairwoman (who makes a killer homemade peach ice cream) told me that this year there were 4500 fresh air kids in the program. At the peak, there were 7000. The number had declined due to lack of families, but now it’s on the rise again.

    I chatted with a number of other host moms. A common thread ran through our conversations: nearly each of us has a child who reacts negatively to the Fresh Air child. The way to deal with it? Send the irritated/irritating child to be with the grandparents, provide plenty of daily space and quiet time, have planned activities (for your own children as well as the guest child), and thank your lucky stars that the program lasts for only ten days.


    And then do it all over again next year because it is so totally worth it.

    This same time, years previous: Fresh Mozzarella and On drying food

  • Sanitation and me

    I’m getting a kick out of all the comments regarding the appearance of my baby’s toes alongside some nectarines in my ‘reenie post. I loved that picture—his big little-boy feet, his fumbly hands awkwardly attempting to manage the slippery slices, his squatting on the kitchen table, something I hardly ever let him do. That people would be revolted by my sweet baby’s stinky toes never crossed my mind. That it crossed theirs made me chuckle.


    It reminded me of a post by David Lebovitz in which he photographed an elderly French woman make mayonnaise. Her hands were wrinkled and sun-spotted, the honest hands of a hard-working country woman. His photography was, as usual, superb. But some people were horrified by her hands (though those comments no longer remain on the blog). There was some black stuff—soil? chocolate?—under her nails! In deference to his sensitive readership, he removed the picture from the blog. I never even noticed her nails until I read the comments, and I was sorry to see the picture go.

    I have a pretty high tolerance for dirt. This probably comes from our three years in Nicaragua where we lived in a multitude of homes before building our own—a house of dirt. (Am I sensing a theme?) While there, we witnessed/experienced the following:

    *mice scurrying in and over food-laden pots
    *delicious homemade cheese made from rennet that was made by soaking in a bit of dried calf’s intestine in some leftover whey
    *fly-covered food
    *chicken butchering in the middle of the kitchen
    *babies without diapers that then peed on everyone and everything (of course)
    *babies crawling on dirt floor and gnawing on leftover chicken bones that had been tossed down
    *pigs in the house
    *minimal, or no, refrigeration
    *dirty milk
    *a mother mouse (er, RAT) scrabbling through my hair in the dead of the night (eek!)
    *street food
    *fly-infested kitchens (you’ve never seen anything like it—don’t even try to tell me you have)
    *dirty water

    And while I’m on a roll, I might as well mention no car seats, no seat belts, scorpions, latrines, poopy potties, machete-wielding children, exposed wiring in showers, crazy bus drivers…

    I learned that you can eat food off of some pretty dirty surfaces and not get sick. (And if you did get sick, which we did—well, it wasn’t the end of the world. Bodies heal. Not that I’m a fan of giardia…) I’m not condoning these things, or, worse yet, idolizing poverty, but it was made clear to me that dirt isn’t evil incarnate.

    As you can probably imagine, my child’s feet on my kitchen table is quite mild by comparison.

    And! Just for the record! I sweep the floor before we eat off of it, the dog does a great job of licking clean the plates, and I even boil the toothbrushes after using them to scour the toilet. Want to come over for supper?

  • A bout of snarky

    When a stranger is rude to me, I typically make a bazillion rude comments back…in my head. Then I stew for a bit and vent to a couple friends before pushing the episode aside and moving on with my life.

    This morning, however, someone was rude to me and my words didn’t stay inside my head. They came out.

    This is what happened:

    Upon entering a store, I went up to the counter to wait my turn. The only employee, a young man, was waiting on an elderly woman; there were no other customers. The lady had a large order but finally she finished, and Mr. Young Man walked out from behind the counter and over to the cash register to complete the sale.

    I waited patiently, wallet open, cash in hand.

    Just then another man walked in the store and quietly went over to the corner to look at dry goods. Mr. Young Man finished ringing the woman up, and as he stepped away from the cash register, he spied the newcomer. “Hey man!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t see you!”

    The men struck up a jovial conversation as I waited, patience dwindling. And then, to my growing dismay, I watched as Mr. Young Man walked back to his station behind the counter, passing directly in front of me as he went, and began to take his friend’s order!

    My startled confusion was soon replaced with heavy-duty fuming. I tried to keep the smoldering flames at bay by searching for some logical reason to justify such blatant rudeness. Perhaps the man was picking up a scheduled order. Or, Maybe he was in a serious rush. Or, Maybe his family was having a crisis and needed some extra special care and attention and the guy behind the counter knew that and I didn’t. Or, Maybe his wife threatened to smash him with a skillet if he didn’t make it back in five minutes flat.

    But no, the men moved leisurely, chatted about soup, joked and laughed. They both avoided making eye contact with me which is lucky for them because my eyes were shooting daggers that would’ve knocked them dead.

    Finally Chatty Friend With the Skillet Wielding Wife paid and left, and then, as there was no one else left in the store, Mr. Young Man had to deal with me. “Sorry about that, ma’am,” he said, all nonchalant and suave.

    “One pound of ground chuck,” I said through clenched teeth.

    He was cool as a cocky cucumber as he rang me up and bagged my order, but I was not cool. I was raging, my insides churning, my head pounding, smoke pouring from my ears. At the last minute, as I was stuffing the loose change into my wallet I decided I had to say something though I had no idea what. So I opened my mouth and this is what came out, “So, is it store policy to wait on people out of order?”

    “Aw, ma’am. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t see you,” he said, all puppy dog contrite-like.

    “Yes, you did,” I retorted.

    I looked at him, hard. “What’s your name?”

    “David,” he said, smile gone, eyes looking everywhere but at me. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t see you.”

    “No, that’s not true,” I said. I picked up my bag of chuck and headed for the door, and then, just for anyhow, I tossed over my shoulder, “I speak Spanish and I know exactly what was going on.” And out I swept.

    If there’s such a thing as buyers remorse, then there sure as heck is a thing as speakers remorse. I threatened the poor guy, for Pete’s sake! And in this bad economy, too! How could I have spit such venom, and at stranger, no less? I was flooded with shame.

    But then the memory of being purposefully ignored and lied to came rolling back and my chest swelled with pride over my store-policy jab.

    And so it went, pride and shame fighting for the upper hand the whole way home.

    Now, after much ponderation, I’ve come to the conclusion that it was fine to say what I did but I should not have left all mad like that. If I had just slowed down and gotten a grip on my emotions, I could’ve had a pleasant conversation with the fellow—a conversation complete with smiles and good will, and a bit of etiquette training thrown in for good measure. It might’ve gone something like this:

    Well, David, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Jennifer. [Benevolent smile] I love this store, David. I come here often, and one of the reasons is because Bob the Boss has such high standards. [Thoughtful pause, forefinger on chin] I don’t think he would appreciate the new method of customer service you’ve invented, do you? [Warm understanding smile] I’m sure you’re sorry, David, and I’d LOVE to forgive you, but I can’t because you have yet to apologize for what you did. However, [straightening up and slapping counter with palm] I’m fairly certain that this will never happen again, right? All right then, I’m off. [Gathering up bag of chuck and beaming one last gracious smile] You have a good day now, David. Cheerio!

    Imagined conversations aside, the next time I go in, I’m going to greet David by name and with a big friendly smile. (I’m big on smiles today.) Then, if I’m feeling bold, I’ll ask if he’s had any trouble keeping the store in ORDER as of late. And then, if I’m feeling really bold, I might even wink.

    This same time, years previous: Sweet pickles and Orange-Mint Tea