• Butchering chickens, in their words

    Warning (as though you need one with the word “butchering” in the title, but still, I like to be thoughtful and thorough, kind of like the warnings that you see on the jars of peanut butter: “warning: contains peanuts”):

    This post contains blood. And chickens, in their dead state.

    I always take an exorbitant number of pictures every time we butcher. I think it has something to do with the outside scenery, the plethora of emotions and expressions flitting across everyone’s faces, the out-of-the-ordinary subject matter, and perhaps the fact that holding a camera protects me from getting my hands bloody.

    “You know what?” my husband said last night as we were getting ready for bed, “I don’t think you touched a single chicken all day.”


    He was right, I realized, with sheepish delight. (But I was there! See my coffee cup at the end of the table full of dead chickens in the above photo?) Except for briefly touching a couple necks and livers, I did not do any chicken handling. My kids are finally getting old enough to cover for me, hallelujah!

    They were all (with the exception of Sweetsie) incredibly excited for butchering day. We told the older ones that we’d have to wake them early, and I promised the youngest that I’d wake him up, too. The older two were already working by the time I crawled out of bed at 6:15 (they didn’t even need a wake-up call, it turned out), but the baby Nickel was sound asleep. I almost left him be, but then I remembered my promise and, disregarding all my natural instincts that tell me to never, ever wake a sleeping child, I went into his room and jostled his shoulder. When that didn’t do the trick, I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “It’s time to butcher the chickens.” Immediately, he was in a frenzy, tearing off the sheets and running/stumbling down the hall, forgetting to get his clothes in his panic.

    The expression he wore for pretty much the entire day:


    To shake things up a bit, I’ve decided to let the rest of the family do the talking for a change. I gave each kid their own personal interview. They were tickled pink. (Mr. Handsome got a phone interview. He wasn’t quite as tickled pink.)

    Miss Beccaboo


    My worst part was when Dad was killing them. Definitely.

    Figuring out how tendons (etc.) work

    And my favorite part was gutting them, of course. I loved it.


    Because inside it was warm.


    You can kill a chicken at winter and then use them for gloves.


    Also, I don’t like when Dad—I mean, Mr. Handsome!—is plucking them because sometimes he gets it stuck [in the plucker], and yeah, it freaks me out too.

    But afterwards, I liked when Mom was taking pictures because it was really funny and then we looked at all the pictures.

    chickens, a still life

    Another thing, there was this chicken that we thought had a broken leg and Dad killed it and cut off its head and then we discovered that the chicken above its leg had a huge bruise so Dad decided not to finish plucking and gutting it, so he left it on the ground next to the plucker and then it got stiff and I picked it up and its legs were sooo stiff that when I picked it up by the feet it stood straight up in the air like a rod.


    And we got some funny pictures of that.

    The Baby Nickel

    when watching something intense, he always holds onto his shirt

    I liked when Dad was cutting off their heads and slicing them like this—SLICE—and then he cut off their heads and it was so fun.

    Not sure what this face is about—I think he had just finished giving his nose a vigorous rub.

    I loved watching Dad plucking them, and I liked when [Yo-Yo] plucked them ‘cause he did it on the side and it made a big bruise. That’s all.

    Here he’s saying, “Ew! I’m not going to put my hand in its poo-woo!

    Oh, I liked sticking my hands inside of them.

    Sweetsie
    I didn’t like about it when I smelled the … um, it smelled like something disgusting. I thought I was going to throw up but I didn’t.


    It was good I didn’t.

    Fact: she spent much of the morning groggily/grumpily (it’s hard to tell the difference sometimes) brushing her hair.

    They cut their heads off and did all of that other stuff—disgusting. I didn’t dare to stick my hand in that chicken because it looked disgusting, but it was warm and there was a lot of feed in the necks.*


    And then I stuck my hand inside it and got all these things out. There was this brown something that looked like an egg or something. It was all weird.

    Yo-Yo
    I thought it was fun and not gross like it was last year. I was able to help out more.


    I got up at six in the morning and set up a lot of it with Dad. We brought the chickens up and then Dad sliced their throats and bleeded them and drained them and chopped off the heads with a hatchet and then scalded, plucked, and did the gutting.


    I tried plucking them and the wing got caught and it was kind of funny. Dad turned it off and I thought it was just choking up so I turned it back on, and it started grinding really loud. I scared myself out of my wits.


    I scalded them and was able to gut a few. I cut off their legs and cut off their necks. And I was hot and sticky and tired when we went to swim lessons.

    Yo-Yo, mid-crow, and The Baby Nickel, mid-sneeze

    That was pretty much my day.

    Mr. Handsome
    The kids helped out, and they were eager and willing helpers, especially Miss Beccaboo.


    I felt a little more confident, like I knew what the heck I was doing this time.


    I had the cones already made and a sink set up.


    I used a 17-gallon trash can for scalding—it leaked until the metal expanded and then it didn’t leak any more.


    I don’t know if putting the chickens in a bucket of water was such a smart idea—I’m afraid they’re waterlogged.


    When you’re set up to do something, it goes a whole lot faster.

    Look at him go!

    For the record
    Mr. Handsome was up at 5:30 and the older two at 6. We all worked until 10 (I was working, just not with chickens) when I took the older three to swimming lessons. Everything was finished by about 2 pm, though there was a little leftover clean-up later in the day.


    Results: 16 chickens averaging 4 ½ pounds each.

    Tidbit: both Yo-Yo and Miss Beccaboo were sorely disappointed that we didn’t have chicken for supper that night. “But I know which chicken I want to eat!” Miss Beccaboo pleaded.

    *Regarding the corn in the necks. The chickens were off their feed for about 24 hours prior to butchering, but unbeknownst to us, there was some corn in the bottom of the container that we used to haul them from their pen to the slaughter yard.

    This same time, years previous: sauteed Swiss chard with a fried egg

  • Over to you

    I WANT TO COOK SOMETHING AND DON’T KNOW WHAT. STOP. SEND INSPIRATION ASAP. STOP. (P.S. Thank you.)

    That was what I tweeted two Fridays ago. Shortly after that outburst I channeled my angst, entered my kitchen, and made the following:

    Green lentil hummus
    Granola
    Brownies
    A large pan of roasted sweet cherries (with bourbon and sugar)
    Blueberry almond baked oatmeal

    There may have been some other stuff, but I can’t remember it now.


    I’ve made this particular kind of baked oatmeal two times (the first time with red raspberries) and I am in love with it. It’s mildly sweet with an extra kiss of lovely from the tart-sweet berries. The almonds give it a delicious crunch. And as for the cinnamon-flecked, buttery oatmeal itself, it is less cake-y and more solidly oatmeal-y than my other baked oatmeal. Just a small serving fills me up completely, giving me enough energy to make it all the way to lunch, no problem. (Except for the problem of eating too much because I just can’t stop myself.)

    The weird thing is, my family doesn’t like this oatmeal. It’s a highly controversial dish, with my kids loudly moaning and groaning, my husband mumbling (to me) under his breath, “It just doesn’t have any flavor,” and me throwing up my hands and wailing, “WHAT? No flavor? It has TONS of flavor! It’s so buttery and cinnamon-y and sweet and…and…PERFECT! What is wrong with you people!”

    I’ve resigned myself to the idea that I might not be able to win my family over to this breakfast delicacy but I am not relinquishing my firmly-held belief that this is indeed a perfectly delicious breakfast feast. And their unsophisticated palates are certainly not going to stop me from blogging about it.


    So now I turn the dish in question over to you. Make it and tell me what you think, okay? (But only if you love it. For I can handle no more controversy.)

    HELP NEEDED IN THE BAKED OATMEAL BATTLE. STOP. SEND REINFORCEMENTS ASAP. STOP. (P.S. And thank you.)


    Berry Almond Baked Oatmeal
    Adapted from The Hazel Bloom who in turn got it from Heidi Swanson’s book Super Natural Every Day

    A double batch gives me a week of yummy breakfasts. That amount fits my 7 x 11-inch pan quite nicely.

    I get as much of the work done the night before by mixing up my dries and wets and then storing them separately (on the counter and in the fridge, respectively).

    1 cup rolled oats
    3 tablespoons sugar
    ½ teaspoon baking powder
    3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1 cup milk
    1 egg
    2 tablespoons butter, melted
    1 teaspoon vanilla
    1 1/4 cup berries (raspberry, blueberry, etc.)
    1/4 cup sliced almonds

    Combine the first five ingredients in a small bowl and set aside. In another bowl, beat together the next four ingredients and set aside.

    Put 1 cup of the berries in the bottom of a smallish, greased baking dish (about 5″ x 8″). Sprinkle the dry ingredients over the berries. Pour the wet ingredients over the dry, making sure that all the dry gets wet (but don’t stir). Sprinkle the remaining berries over the oatmeal and then the almonds.

    Bake the oatmeal at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes, or until your kitchen smells heavenly. Serve warm, topped with milk.

    This same time, years previous: cottage potatoes, fruit cobbler, orange julius

  • The big apple

    In the past three days…



    I traveled by:

    *airplane…


    *air train
    *subway…


    *bus
    *car
    *elevator
    *escalator
    *foot…

    I slept:
    *on the 29th floor of The Westin Hotel…


    *not enough


    I bought:

    *a pop-up map
    *a pretty-itty-itty bracelet
    *dried plums
    *sesame candy
    *a bag
    *scarves
    *little Japanese dishes
    *a book about Hamlet
    *a bunch of ridiculously expensive candy
    *some presents that must not be named

    I saw:
    *life-size transformers for a promo for the new movie (and struggled through the massive crowds of people mobbing the celebs)…


    *a man on a unicycle…


    *boys doing flips on the street…


    *lots of women in excruciatingly high heels
    *horn players (not car horns) tootling up a brassy storm
    *a man beating the crap out of an old spackle bucket and making it sound like something beautiful
    *huge lines at the Broadway discount ticket booth
    *the top-side of a thunderstorm…


    *giant lampshades…


    *lots of garbage…


    *my reflection…



    I ate:

    *lots of bread and coffee…


    *Italian
    *Mexican
    *a roasted marshmallow milkshake
    *a chocolate cupcake…


    *cheese, cheese, and more cheese!
    *bread dipped in super-expensive olive oil
    *an almond croissant

    I learned (or, in some cases, relearned):
    *to text
    *I like grass and miss it when it’s not there
    *that so many people packed into one place make me feel simultaneously claustrophobic, insignificant, and free to be me
    *I don’t particularly like Times Square…


    *bakeries make me super happy
    *to bargain
    *I want some flirty summer dresses
    *I miss my family even when I’m having fun
    *our little town has a really nice farmer’s market
    *rampant commercialism and touristy attractions aren’t my thing…


    *it’s therapeutic to take feet photos…

    *when feeling overwhelmed, it is good to go to a coffee shop and do nothing but sip coffee from a paper cup and stare out the window at all the people scurrying across the concrete landscape…


    A few little paragraphs in which I fill in the gaps:
    The Fresh Air Fund paid for me (and two other volunteers) to travel up to NYC. They covered our costs for transport, two nights at a hotel, and food for three days.


    In exchange, all we had to do was show up at Port Authority on the trip day and ride down with a busload of kids.

    look close and you’ll see the levitating girl

    And now that I’ve been officially trained, I get to do it by myself next year, but with the co-escort of my choice. (Mr. Handsome honey—would you like to go on a little date with me?)

    Dude, man, this deal rocks.

    P.S. Many thanks to my Brooklyn girlfriend for a three-page write-up of off-the-beaten path attractions. It made for oodles of scavenger hunt-type fun.

    P.P.S. My all-time favorite place: Murray’s cheese shop. The hyper guy behind the counter knew his cheese inside and out and stuffed us to the gills with samples. He wouldn’t let us buy anything without tasting it first, and there was nothing dainty about these samples either. He mounded a rose petal jam on the Fromager d’Affinois and poured a pile of mini chocolate chips on the Roomano, a kid-friendly gouda. I never would’ve thunk it, but really, chocolate and cheese go together famously!


    Back home, I created a mini cheese bar with my three cheeses (a Tickler Cheddar along with the two I already mentioned), chocolate, red wine, baguettes from my early morning jaunt to the bakery, and leftover sausages, onions, and peppers from my Italian lunch. The kids loved the d’Affinois the best, especially with the chocolate.

    I hereby declare that any and all future NYC trips will include a trip to Murray’s and an insulated tote bag. Amen.

    And the end.

    This same time, years previous: goat cheese whipped cream, how to dry apricots, red beet greens, linguine with shrimp and cilantro-lime pesto, spaghetti with Swiss chard, raisins, and almonds, yogurt