I’ve always known there were some couples who claimed not to fight, but I dismissed them either as weird or dishonest. There was no way a married couple could co-exist without flying into a rage on occasion, I thought.
However! Just in the last few months, two different friends told me that they don’t fight with their husbands. When I pushed them on it, they were like, “Well, why would we? What’s there to fight about?” and then I was like, “What’s there NOT to fight about!”
There’s so much that can go wrong! A different perspective on how money should be spent (or not), a less-than enthusiastic endorsement of a goal, a disparity between energy levels or libidos or shared interests or parenting agendas or personality traits or moral compass — need I go on? That some people don’t get blistering mad every few days over some slight or miscommunication or — oh horrors — intentional disregard was incomprehensible.
It made me wonder. Did the non-fighters just not care as much as we do? (I doubted it.) Were they more similar? (Perhaps.) Were they nicer than we are? (Probably.)
But then my one friend explained that she just feels terrible when she gets upset and yells, and I was like, Wait — seriously?
Because, see, I feel good when I yell. Shouting releases all my pent-up frustration and rage and negative energy. Putting the problem OUT THERE IN ALL CAPS makes me feel better.
But if yelling didn’t make me feel good, then maybe I wouldn’t do it?
Anyway. I’m intrigued. Do you fight with your spouse?
I got mad at my husband for not finishing his serving of cake, a cake I’d so lovingly made, so then he angrily stuffed the whole thing in his mouth and promptly burst into laughter.
My younger son, thinking fast, documented the moment.